


Parallel lines don't meet, but these guys aren't straight

by themothman



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Amnesty Lodge (The Adventure Zone), Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Found Family, M/M, Multi, Rating May Change, Trans Barclay (The Adventure Zone), Trans Character, Trans Duck Newton, Trans Jake Coolice, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themothman/pseuds/themothman
Summary: The universe has a strange way of doing things in parallelOne couple accidentally stumble into an improbable love, taking slow time to simmer into trust. They learn about themselves and have to try and tell secrets they've both kept down for years.For another its as if a dam breaks after years of plodding on in close, steady, normal friendship, letting all of the love they methodically locked out, come pouring in.Its going to be an odd few months for Barclay (head cook of amnesty lodge), Agent Stern (an FBI agent who is looking for just that), Duck Newton (Normal humanman) and Minerva (the strongest, loudest, and most beautiful woman he knows)[au where Sylvain doesn't exist, but amnesty is still a place for those that are weird, and can transform so there trying to find out why this is]
Relationships: Barclay & Mama (The Adventure Zone), Barclay/Agent Stern (The Adventure Zone), Dani/Aubrey Little, Edmund "Ned" Chicane & Aubrey Little & Duck Newton, Jake Coolice & Minerva, Jake Coolice/Hollis, Jake Coolice/Hollis/Keith, Jake Coolice/Keith, Mama & Agent Stern (The Adventure Zone), Mama & Duck Newton, Minerva/Duck Newton
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Parallel lines don't meet, but these guys aren't straight

**Author's Note:**

> Amnesty lodge has a strange arrival. Barclay makes tea. Minerva goes for a run. Duck gets a phonecall  
> (TW for kind of subtle deadnaming of Duck at the end)

The pines bristled with anticipation as a black car, tinted windows and all, pulled into the driveway of the rustic, but well-kept inn, near the edge of Kepler, West Virginia. It was if the trees themselves became tense at the new arrival, an invisible string pulling them up until they stood at attention. The wind that blew them still whistled by, but they paid no heed, too caught up in reverence or excitement for the situation to obey the natural order of things. The driver of the car stepped out, smoothed out his crisp black suit, and stepped towards the building.

A burly man was stood at the door to receive the new arrival, wiping his hands on a towel to dry them. Standing way above 6 foot tall he was an imposing figure of a man, though he had an unmistakable air of gentleness that seemed to seep out of every pore. His hair was long, thick and black, with streaks of early grey curling into the bun atop his head, and almost entirely taking over the neat beard that claimed the lower half of his face. Truthfully, his face wasn’t the only thing claimed by a thick mass of dark hair. Because of the rolled-up sleeves of his flannel, you could see his rather impressive arm hair. Atop the flannel was a comically small apron, demanding that you ‘kiss the cook’. In hindsight, it was… maybe a little inappropriate.

A small nametag was pinned onto his apron. He wouldn't normally wear one, if not for the arrival of the agent, as everyone around here knew his name. Barclay, cook and co-owner of The Amnesty lodge. 

“I assume you’re Agent Stern?” The bearded man said, taking a cautious step forward and putting the towel into the pocket of the apron. He had been briefed on the arrival of the Agent, who had called ahead of time to book a room, under the name  _ Agent Stern  _ and to be billed to  _ the department of unexplained phenomena.  _

This had, of course, caused quite the stir with the residents of the lodge. They were unexplained phenomena themselves and not at all fond of the idea of such an invasion of privacy, especially from the government. The Amnesty Lodge was supposed to be a place where all people could feel safe. Those with powers or forms that differed from what humans deemed as acceptable were welcomed under the wing of Mama, a seemingly human older lady with enough rooms for everyone. This meant that Barclay and Mama were not the only permanent residents of the lodge, though they did see themselves as the guardians.

There was no simpler way to put it than the way they always told newcomers, when they came along (normally with a flourish of the hand as they pointed at each inhabitant);

Barclay was bigfoot. Jake Coolice, the resident Rad Dude and winter sports enthusiast, was a giant anthropomorphic seal. Dani, Keplers resident crunchy lesbian and small bone collector, was basically a vampire. Thacker was psychic, as smart as they come, and trying to figure out why some humans have powers. Minerva was large and strong, and her ‘tattoos’ sometimes glowed. Alexandria could talk to ghosts and, in a happy coincidence, Moria was a ghost (though much more stable than most others and somehow able to be seen by all the other lodge members). Indrid cold was Mothman, though he didn’t often stay at the lodge for too long. And the newest member was Aubry little, feisty and fiery and with little control of her powers.

Mama was… mama. You didn’t have to worry about her, she seemed as human as it came and could defend herself with ease.

For the most part, the inhabitants of the lodge could come and go through life normally, leaving the lodge and doing as they pleased without worrying. Those who had magical powers took extensive classes from Janelle, who despite her rather powerful magic didn't live at the lodge (not feeling as if she needed its protection, and instead assuming a position of relative power at the town hall). Though there were some occasional slips of magic, they could be explained away and overlooked by the general population.

Most people would assume those with… alternative... forms may have a harder time concealing themselves, but thanks to an ancient form of technology (perfected, of course, by Thacker) they actually may have had an easier time of it, as a simple watch or snap band could transform bigfoot into a… big-footed, hairy man.

So normally they wouldn’t worry about being caught, but something about having an agent that was  _ specifically looking for people like them  _ right in there house, set all of them on edge. 

They had talked before the agent had arrived, a conversation that was meant to be blunt and decisive. Like all their conversations it turned into a meandering and comical, if frustrating for some, planning session with a questionable at best conclusion. 

“Madaline Cobb, I am likely much stronger than The Agent Stern! Why do we not just simply refuse him entry!” Minerva was a tall woman, slightly above 7’0, impeccably strong and with ‘tattoos’ that seemed to glow blue against her dark skin, her eyes performing in a similar way. And also always, so, deadly, serious. It was probably the sincere yet almost comically booming way she delivered the line that made Barcley snort, barely able to contain a burst of laughter, and even Mama chuckled despite how serious the whole thing was. 

Though much less successful in concealing the peals of laughter that rolled through them were the others who had gathered to ‘unfuck the situation’. It had been rather tactically put that way by ranger Duck Newton, local forest ranger and unwitting friend to the supernatural, who so far had very little to put forward other than that… insightful observation

Not all of the residents were there, most opting to simply be told the plan afterwards and only have to endure half an hour of rambling (or, if they were lucky enough to get it from Mama or Barclay a short ten-minute explanation) rather than what was likely to be 3 hours of painful conversation. The ones that were there scattered themselves through the lobby, many of them sitting like normal people. Except for Aubry who was sprawled on one of the overfilled red sofas guffawing at Minervas Not Joke.

“Now there Minnie- Minerva” duck began, instantly correcting his use of the nickname. She had told him consistently through high school that she did not like the nick-name but duck always seemed to forget, and the cycle continued. “We uh- really cant be getting on the wrong side of the FBI.”

“Yeah… ducks right” Mama said, sipping her over-sweetened cup of black coffee “I suppose all that we can do is try and make him think that Kepler isnt weird”   
  
“Which is going to be hard to do with Ned peddling all that shit down at The Cryptonomica” Barclay added, tone bitter. He was clearly mad about that one time not long ago ned had put a video of him in his bigfoot way online, and he  _ swore to god Edmund fucking Chicane if that was the reason for- _

“Speaking of Ned, where is he?” Aubry asked, shifting to sit so that her legs were in a triangle, souls of her feet pressed together.   
  
“Fear not friend Aubry, I am here!” a very flustered Ned announced with a great flourish, sitting down next to her, in an attempt to catch his breath. “So, what is the situation”   
  
He was quickly briefed about the situation, and just as quickly threatened to stay fucking silent. To which he insisted that he would be able to convince The Agent that his whole show was just that, a show, to get money in for The Cryptonomica. All ended up agreeing that the best situation was to convince him as quickly as possible that things were as normal as they could be. This meant, to Aubry’s anguish, that no one could do any magic lessons. And not a soul could let a single world, or accessory slip.    
  
A plan was formed (after approximately an hour of painful yet comical deliberation) that Agent Stern would be introduced to a few people at a time, if at all possible. Apart from Mama and Barclay, the bunch that were more human would go first. This meant duck, an actual fully, none magical Dude. He did have to promise not to try and actually  _ lie,  _ however, because God knows that he would not be able to do that at all. Then Aubry, then jake, then… leading down to Minerva and Ned, on an Avoid Contact At All Costs agreement.

And that’s why the atmosphere of the lodge was so tense when Agent Stern took his first step into the lobby. It was almost as if one of Aubry’s experiments had begun to expand in a corked top glass bottle, visibly bubbling against the glass, ready to burst. Most of the residents had fled to there rooms, hiding in silence unprecedented for the lodge. This left only Mama and Barclay, the latter who followed the agent into the lobby and said “Mama, this is Agent Stern”

Mama coughed, standing up from one of the comfy overworn chairs and brushing off some invisible dust from her lap. “Agent Stern, it’s lovely to have you here”. She put on all the niceties, though her voice was dry and cracked with caution, as if any word she spoke would be under careful scrutiny, because to her knowledge it may just be. Stern rose an eyebrow like a cm, but it was not unnoticed by the two who stood with him, and the fact it was noticed wasn’t unnoticed; and the fact that it wasn’t unnoticed, wasn’t unnoticed didn’t go unnoticed-. Mama, stern and Barclay all gave an uneasy smile, each individual wishing only for something to break the tension.

Sadly fate didn’t decide to shine down kindly on them today, and after about thirty seconds of awkward smiling to each other, Barclay coughed and finally spoke.    
  
“Would anyone like a cup of tea?”   
  
“Yes, if you wouldn’t mind. Milk and as much sugar as you can” Stern was the first to reply, quick and formal, his awkward and courteous smile remaining on his face.

Barclay wouldn’t have pegged this stern guy as a sweet tooth, though he guessed that appearances were deceptive- he out of all people should know this. Still, stern seemed like the type who would have asked for black coffee, no milk, no sugar. Stern seemed to have the agent look down to perfection. A black, pristine suit fit perfectly on his tall, thin but probably toned body… Barclay would put him at maybe 6’1 though a quick glance at the thick souls of his shoes told a different story, probably adding a couple of extra inches on him.

His hair was neatly slicked back. Its colour matched Barclay’s, dark black with hints of grey. However, its texture was the opposite of Barclays own, from what he could see at least. Still relatively thick, but absolutely straight, as opposed to the other’s unfathomably thick wild curls. Barclay allowed himself to study his face for a moment, tracing his eyes along his sharp jaw and clean-shaven chin, lips still stretched in that perfect awkward smile. But now they were moving-

Oh shit, he had been speaking.

“Barclay, our guest here asked a question,” Mama said, her polite half-smile turning into one of bemusement. Nothing escaped her keen eye, and that definitely included her friend being distracted by staring at the agents face. He would definitely get shit for this later when he and Mama was alone, which promised to be very soon, as stern repeated his question.   
  
“Could I please have my tea in my room? Id like to put my things away and get myself situated, if you wouldn’t mind. Not that the lobby isnt pleasant it’s just-”   
  
“Had a long travel here?” Mama supplied the end of the sentence, slipping slightly into how she was when a weary traveller appeared at her door, dragging along tales of misunderstandings leading to a world of hurt and accidents that- she actively had to stop herself from thinking about Agent Stern like that. There was something that made him seem sympathetic. Probably the bags that hung under his eyes from the long drive, demanding a hot cup of tea and a comfortable bed.

Agent Stern nodded and reached his thin hands out for the key that Mama quickly deposited there. It was the room next to Barclays, calculated carefully, because Barclay would be able to keep an eye on him without causing too much suspicion. Anyone else, especially Minerva (who had enthusiastically volunteered when it was first brought up), would not have been able to do so without making things very strange, which was exactly what they were aiming to avoid.    
  
Stern gave a quick thanks and retreated to his room, letting out a sigh that could be heard faintly from the lobby, Barcley following his example and hurrying to the kitchen to make the tea before Mama could remark on his distractedness and question him about it. He put the kettle on the stove and placed three mugs down on the counter, avoiding the ones that Ned had brought from the Cryptonomica’s gift shop that declared ‘bigfoot is real and he ate my ass!’. He couldn’t take any chances. Plus, no matter how funny everyone seemed to find them they were really embarrassing.

It was comforting to have something to do that didn’t take too much thinking, because the stress of Agent Stern arriving was really giving him a headache. He placed the tea bags into the mugs. He put an obscene amount of sugar into one, a little less into another (still far more than Mama should be having but he thought that she deserved it right now), leaving his without any. Now just to wait for the kettle to boil.

The monotony and thoughtlessness of the task had, for a short while drove away all of his thoughts of negativity and anxiety about The Agent. What if Agent Stern found out and the government invaded there little piece of paradise? What if they didn’t have time to up sticks and run together, and they were dispersed around the country, the family that he found stricken into shards that he couldn’t-

He found his nails digging into his palms, thanking his lucky stars that he had to keep them short and neat for work. He let out a shaky breath and half a curse. At least the water had boiled, and he could finish making the drinks before he could allow his brain to slip into even worse thoughts. If he did he would be done for the day.

Barclay picked the three cups up from the kitchen, his hands big enough to carry all of them easily, first placing his and Mama’s on the coffee table between the armchairs that they would normally situate themselves in in the evenings. Then, he made the short walk into the hallway that lead off into the lodges guest rooms, knocking lightly on Agent Sterns door.

There was no response. Barclay was about to turn away (debating what to do with the cup of sweet, milky tea) before he heard a snore coming from the inside of the room. He couldn’t help but chuckle just a little, The Agent must have been tired when he came to the lodge. That probably answered for some of the awkwardness on the first meeting, Barclay thought as he pushed open the door to the room. All the rooms in the lodge were nice, including this one, with its tall wooden wardrobes that Mama had carved herself, the plush carpeting that was slightly worn from use, the bed still perfectly made.

Wait, if the bed was made then where was Agent Stern? Had he got so tired that he fell asleep on the floor or something? Barclay gave a glance around as he quietly walked over to the bedside table and placed the drink down on it. It didn’t take him long to see that stern was dozing in the comfy armchair in the corner, still in the suit that he arrived in. His face was much more relaxed than it was before, mouth no longer stretched into an awkward smile as he clutched what looked to be a stuffed bigfoot to his chest.

Barclay shut the door with a gentle click. He had assumed that he had fallen to sleep on the chair while trying to get undressed for bed, which wasn’t surprising. The bigfoot plush was a little surprising and he couldn’t help but laugh a little bit as he walked back into the lobby.   
  
Mama had resumed her place in her regular chair, raising her eyebrow at Barclay as he sat in the chair next to her. “Barclay, why were you eyeballin’ the agent?” she asked, leaning her head in her hand and waiting for him to reply.

“I just thought it might be a good idea to get a good look at him,” he said, picking up his embroidery as he settled in for the night

“You seemed awful interested” she gently teased, picking up the mug of tea, which had just reached acceptable heat levels to drink.

“He would have been my type in another life, mama” he admitted with a shrug, squinting at the grid so he could make sure he could sew with no mistakes. He didn’t find a reason to lie, mama had known him long enough to be able to guess that herself, and it meant that he didn’t have to go to the hassle of lying about it. Both of them were too tired to do that dance tonight. Mama simply nodded, sipping her tea.

They quickly slipped into the silence that they were used to, as they would almost every night. Mama listened to tales on the radio, while Barclay continued to embroider the tapestry that he had been working on for coming up close for a year. The fire crackled, the radio chattered, and Amnesty Lodge fell to sleep.

* * *

“Duck Newton! It is time for you to awake! We must run before you go to work!” a booming voice echoed around the room, as the door swung open to reveal Minerva. She grinned down at duck from the doorframe, who opened one eye with a groan.   
  
“Minerva, it’s not even 5AM,” he said, sitting up in bed and ruffling out the tangled mess of hair that sat on his head from last nights activities (watching Netflix, petting his cat, sleeping… y’know, that invigorating stuff)

Duck Newton had lived with Minerva before, for about 6 months after she aged out of the system they shared Ducks bedroom in his family home. Then duck decided to go to college and Minerva moved into the lodge. When he came back to work at the forest service and got his own apartment, she never moved back with him, having found a home at the lodge. That wasn’t even taking into account the countless sleepovers they had through high school. It only made sense for him to take her in so that she can avoid having a run-in with The Agent, and though he definitely griped he didn’t really mind having her live with him for a couple of weeks

But that didn’t stop him from not wanting to wake up at 4:43 am.

“But Duck! I must get my morning exercise, and Madaline Cobb gave strict instruction for you to supervise me whenever I must leave this flat!”

Duck groaned again “alright, alright minnie-erva,” he said, pulling himself up to sit and crossing his arms over his chest. Minerva had seen him binderless and just woken up before, but it didn’t stop the pang of dysphoria that he felt whenever he woke up first thing. (He had been meaning to get that particular problem solved, but couldn’t bring himself to take the recovery time off of work). “Just let me get changed and then we can head out.”   
  
“Good! I am already in my sportswear, so I shall just wait in the living room for you to return!” She said and flexed her arm. Duck followed her arm to her tank top, which read ‘suns out, guns out!’. It wasn’t entirely appropriate for this time of year, but Duck noted it was one that he had bought for her a couple of Christmases ago. He didn’t even know she still had that. 

“Alright, ill see you in like 30 seconds,” he said, giving a lazy wave and collapsing back into the bed before once she had left.

The run went pretty much as one might expect, with Minerva leading the charge and Duck trailing behind, thankful for the small mercies when she would stop for a moment and allow him to catch up and take a couple of breaths before continuing. They ran along the streets, twisting through shops and houses, passing by the mayoral building (where they waved hello to Janelle) and Dave’s dehumidifier depo. Duck had to gently direct her away from the lodge, and into the forest. Every few miles, Duck would remind her that he had work soon, and she would promise they would head back soon, until she seemed to have a revelation.

“Duck newton! You have a change of work clothes at the rangers station correct?”   
  
“Uhhh. yeah?”   
  
“Why don’t we simply run to the station! And then I could assist you in your forest-based work!”

Duck stopped for a second, considering it while also panting to get as much air into his lungs as he could.   
  


“Don’t you also have work, Minerva?” he asked, starting to jog to match her power-walking speed

“Not today Duck Newton!” she beamed. Minerva hadn’t been able to settle for the quiet life that most people who took up residency at the lodge had. She needed excitement, some sort of adventure! And that just was not settled by doing odd jobs around the lodge, like Dani. Nor was it quenched by reading through tombs of knowledge with Thacker. Jakes extreme sports outings had helped quite a lot recently, but she did not exactly fit in with the younger crowd that Jake favoured (though she did enjoy to take her younger friend out on adventures, just the two of them). 

Some time ago, she had found a venture that satisfied her. A mixed martial arts centre had opened up in Kepler, and Mama had suggested she take a class to blow off some steam. When she was younger she was quite the expert in certain forms of those arts, as much as a 10-year-old can be, but was out of practice because her 8-year stint in the foster care system meant that she didn’t really have the choice to participate in such activities as frequently. Despite the gap in time since she had done any of it, she had no hesitation with going into a class, rather quickly climbing the ranks of belts offered and, after a couple of years training there she was extended a job offer which she promptly took. 

It was something that made her feel good, and something that she could feel proud of. Training the younger generation of humans to fight, to have honour, to protect themselves and their friends. She had even put on some lessons for the older folk that lived in the town, which did just start as being one on one lessons with Leo Tarkesian, the local grocer. She had later forced Duck to join the cohort, with one of the women who worked at the Green bank telescope called Dr Sarah Drake joining as recently as a couple of months. Minerva was a very good teacher; it turns out, it seemed to come naturally to her with her optimistic attitude and boundless energy. The work itself was physically demanding, and let her go home quite tired- or at least tired enough to only have to go for a run, do some gardening and help fixing things up before considering settling down for the night. Which was a lot better than before.

“Well then Minerva, I’d be happy for the help” 

Before too long they had gotten to the rangers station, Juno breaking into a hearty laugh when she saw the sweaty dishevelled Duck and Minerva following, barely a drop of sweat coming from her. “Ranger Juno Devine! I will be assisting you with your forest guardianship!”   
  


“Hi there Minerva,” Juno smiled and stood up holding out her hand to Minerva (who instead decided to crush her in a hug). “We’re- OOF CarefuLL TherE- glad to have you help out. Looks like you really took Duck there through his paces. Careful or they will think your up to no good” she sent a vague wink in the direction of Duck.   
  
“I do not know what you are talking about Ranger Juno Devine! We were simply going for a morning run!”

“I know,” she said, wiggling her way out of Minerva’s grip and over to the mini kitchen to put the kettle on. “Duck, go get washed up. You’re stinking us out” 

Duck didn’t argue, making his way into the small bathroom of the station and grabbing his work clothes on the way past. He didn’t mind leaving the two girls together, because even though Juno didn’t know about the magical and the mythical being real, she seemed to be very nice with Minerva. She never seemed to pry, and also let her go on small rants about battle strategies and cool swords- though Juno returned the favour by talking in-depth about the fauna and flora of the surrounding area, to which Minerva sat quiet and listened in earnest.

It seemed to be as though they were at the end of one of these conversations when Duck returned from his shower. He had taken a little bit longer than he normally would to allow the two to expend their conversational energy on each other before the day began. Though truly… Duck found himself with a smile on his face as he heard the two women through the wall, one explaining part of there interest and the other replied in the same manner. He hesitated for a second before pushing the door to the main room open, but did it all the same because it was right about time for them to get to work.   
  
“Ah! Duck Newton, you startled me! Did you enjoy your shower?”   
  
“Sure as hell did Minerva, I feel like I’ve done my shift before I’ve even started” he quipped, sitting into his normal office chair with a groan. He barely caught the energy drink that was thrown his way. “Ah- Juno, you know I don’t drink this crap”.

He placed the can down on the side, thinking it would be safe on the desk because it was sealed shut (pushing down the small tingle of worry he felt in the back of his mind). The next one that was thrown at him he wasn’t quite as lucky at catching, fumbling for a moment with the can before it landed on his lap.

“Well, you better start now,” Juno said, popping open the can and drinking half of it down in large gulps. She wiped her mouth before continuing speaking, “those damn hornets have been tearing up the wildflowers again- doesn’t look like there normal tracks so it looks like they’ve found new and creative ways to be dicks to the local wildlife”

“Yeah?” he asked, sitting up alert and popping the can open to take a drink.

“It looks-” she sighs “your not going to believe this Newton, but it looks like they put giant dog prints on the floor. Like Clifford The Big Red Fucker” she stood up, pulling her jacket on and chucking the largest one that they had to Minerva (for whom it was far too small) 

Ducks heart skipped a beat. When talking about what to do with The Agent they seemed to forget that around the full moon things messed up, magic didn’t work properly and monsters- real monsters that they called  _ abominations  came out of the woodwork. _ And more importantly, they seemed to all forget that the full moon was  _ right around the fucking corner. _

He groaned, which was met by a sympathetic pat on the back by Juno, who had mistaken it for simple hatred of the heinous act of destroying the forest. Which, to be honest, was a small part of it. He decided that he would have to try and talk to Mama about it later, and for now he would just have to try and get as much information as they could, especially since he could do so without suspicion.

He pulled on his jacket, zipping it up to stay warm because winter was just beginning to grip onto West Virginia. He scratched his stubble for a moment, and then finished his drink and wincing at the taste. He really hated it, but Juno was right- he would probably have to get some extra help in the energy department if he was going to fix for forest and look for clues after that long, long run.

Juno was first to leave, messing with the keys to the truck between her fingers as she made her way down the gravel driveway. Minerva followed, squeezing her way into the truck that was really too small for her. Duck was about to leave the room when the phone began to ring. Most places around here didn’t get any service, but they had managed to work it out so that they could get important information from people without radios or whatever. 

“One second-” he yelled, moving back into the room and grabbing the phone. “This is the Monongahela park service, what can I do you for?”

He froze at the voice that he heard on the other side. His uncle, that he hadn’t spoken to for  _ years _ . Not since- not since

“Hi there Winny, we’re coming over to stay. Have a spare room ready”

Well. shit. 


End file.
